The more I read about emotional intelligence, the more I wonder if people are defining it correctly.
For years, I’ve heard that emotional intelligence is about the ability to read people: learn about body language, assess a situation and read emotions, show warmth and an emotional connection that sets you apart from others, smile more or give hand more vigorously. It is almost always defined as the ability to pick up on nonverbal cues and the “feelings” when people are frustrated, happy or sad… and that’s about it.
The problem with this definition is that it is practically useless in a commercial context.
Let’s say you can read people and pick up on their emotions. It’s okay. That gives you an edge in the conversation or perhaps in the sales process, but it’s really just another tool among many.
It gives you an idea and a way to interpret body language and pick up on some mysterious non-verbal cues, but generally you can pat yourself on the back and say you can “read people” and that’s about it.
The actual definition of emotional intelligence, which mostly originated in 1996, is in part about managing one’s own emotions and capturing the emotions of others. However, the part that is often forgotten (the important part in terms of business advantages), is how to manage your own emotions and how to influence others.
By the classic definition of emotional intelligence, President Trump has terribly low EQ, as he doesn’t seem to care what other people are feeling and doesn’t seem to read the right cues. He is practically immune to emotional intelligence. By the classic 1996 definition, however, he is out of context.
You can see this happen very often. You’ll often hear stories about someone who didn’t “read” people and acted angrily, or perhaps someone who didn’t “read” people correctly and paid the price when a business decision ended badly.
It’s less common to hear stories about people who used their emotional intelligence to influence others in a way that led to a better product or service.
Leaving the influence out of emotional intelligence undermines the concept. In reality, without influence, emotional intelligence is of little use.
Answer this question:
How has emotional intelligence helped you?
I agree that identifying non-verbal cues helps you understand others, but in business, if we don’t include influence, then there isn’t much to talk about.
All marketing is influence. All sales are influence. In some way, all businesses are influence.
When you start thinking of emotional intelligence as a “magical” sixth sense, the whole concept falls apart because its value is diminished without influence.
It’s simple: you read the emotions of others and then you influence.
I have experienced this many times, both from the point of view of not managing my reactions properly and paying the price (driving people crazy, breaking up a healthy relationship) and managing my emotions and then using a more practical, experienced and predictable approach. (and see that people agree with an idea or join a cause).
Also read: The Golden Circle: How to influence others and sell like the big companies.
That second part of the definition is where the action takes place. This is where emotional intelligence can help you the most, not just by listening more intently or smiling more.
It’s the part where you can build a business and start promoting a product in an attention-grabbing way.
(If you don’t know where to start to build your business and have good profit margins, this is the first step.)
Think about what changes you can make to better harness emotional intelligence, both in your life and in your business.
And remember, if you are really interested in creating your own business, you can read our book “How to create a company while working: Discover how to manage your time, manage your money and motivate yourself while creating a company and working for another” , where you will find all the information you need to found your own company, without having to leave your job.
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